VOLKSRENNEN 50k ADMITS MANIPULATING DISTANCE, ACTUALLY ONLY 38k!

BY MAY DUPP- Berlin Bureau Chief

Farfegnugen, Germany – The popular Volksrennen 50k race through the streets of Farfegnugen has come under fire since its race-director admitted it is actually closer to 38k.  Apparently, the measuring wheel used to roll out the course all these years had been manipulated by race engineers to falsify the distance.

The spa-town in the shadow of the Alps which hosts the annual event has flourished since the race was created in the 1930s by Adolf Hitler, who believed all the other foot races in Europe were controlled by Jewish bankers.  Since then, the race has grown in popularity – last year alone drawing 63,000 participants from all over the world, who come because of the phenomenal 50k finish times.

Image result for fig newtons

Darnit guys! I specifically said  four fig newtons!  Not two fig newtons!  You know, Farfegnugen… four fig newtons?  Nevermind.

It seems not a single one of them had ever bothered to check their GPS or do a few simple calculations when they finished 50 kilometers a whole hour sooner than normal.  “I think we just all thought it was because of the magical mineral springs in the town. It never occurred to anyone that a race created by Hitler – history’s evilest human – would have any dirty little secrets,” said American and longtime participant Gundersen Green.

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