RUNNER’S PLAIN RED SHOES OBVIOUS INSULT TO NATION’S SHARED CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS 

BY SILVER N. GOLD

FEDERAL WAY, WA- Blissfully unaware of the firestorm she was about to ignite among the good Christians of a sleepy town nestled in the God-fearing Puget Sound region, area runner Lucy Furr has been running in a pair of plain red Nikes throughout the 2015 holiday season. The blasphemy was witnessed by many reverent residents but first reported by the good pastor Matthaniel Dusa of Revelation Dimensions Ministries, a popular megachurch in the area. Continue reading

DAD ATTEMPTS TO PULL OFF NICE RUN WITH HIS KID IN JOGGING STROLLER

BY LEIGH JOHN ARES-D’AZIZ

SUBURBIA, USA- Gundersen Green – father, runner, optimist – has attempted more than once to go for a nice run with his kid in a jogging-stroller!  But wait – there’s more: Each time he tries, he actually believes that this time it’ll work out!  And Mr. Green was back at it again last weekend, for some reason believing that he would actually be able to pull off a nice run with his kid in a jogging stroller.

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NEW CHANNEL ESPN-ULTRA TO COVER ULTRA-RUNNING 24/7

BY GREGOR IAN CHANCE

Chernobyl, Ukraine – ESPN has announced it will debut yet another ESPN channel- this one dedicated to the world of ultra-running.  The channel will feature primarily the same old, rehashed panel-shows, where five or six guys just stand around, discussing what they think was going through the athlete’s mind, or what someone’s take is on a particular competitor’s performance.  Like most of ESPN’s programming, there will be mostly filler, and little to no actual sport shown.

“In this case, it is because ultra-running is unbelievably boring,” says Tom Fulery, an executive producer at the network, “not only, you know, for the spectators, but also for the racers.  Everyone just wants the darn thing to be over with.”

Ultra-running is growing in popularity for some strange reason, but until now no television network has been willing to touch it.

ESPN-Ultra plans to broadcast live the conclusion of this ultra, which began in 1924.  It is believed most of the runners who started the race are now deceased.

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